Egads!!

I am one tired chickie.

We have worked a month straight of 10hrs mandatory overtime each week. This time last year we were just about to finish up doing that for about a year and a half. I don't remember being this tired last time.

Part of it is that I haven't really recovered from that damn cold. My lungs are still very iffy. Stairs are really not my friend right now. I've begged off doing any extra training the last two weeks because I feel like I'm dying by the time I get to the training room in the other building. On Tuesday I'll be in that damn training room twice probably. Once for training and once for a meeting. It will not be a good day. Tuesday also starts three days where I will be in charge of my department because bossman will be away.

On an unrelated note, I'm kinda sad. About a month ago I found a house that I really liked. It was a little more than I could afford but I loved it. Two weeks later it disappeared from the one realty site. Queue the sadness. And then last week I realized it was still on another site. Queue the excitement of maybe having a second chance. With my tax return coming I would maybe have enough of a down payment. And now the house is off the other site. sigh It was still too much anyway but I liked it dang it.

So I'm sitting here sad and in the middle of an allergy attack. I'm starting to wonder if there is something in one of the shampoos I use or in the body wash that is giving me allergy attacks. Sometimes after I take a shower my eyes just itch like a bitch and I get all snotty. My body is fucked up enough to be allergic to freaking shampoo. For future reference it was the Almond and SheaButter Suave shampoo that I used tonight. I don't usually use the same one two nights in a row. So I'll have to remember the next time I use it.

And now on another completely different note, I've noticed that my favorite go to movies are really, really varied. When we first moved into this place I couldn't afford to get a dish so we only got like four channels. This meant we spent a lot of time watching VHS tapes. There was no option to have cable in this tiny shitass town at the time. We only got cable about four years ago. So I'm going to list out my go to movies.

The Back to the Future Trilogy: I have all three movies on one tape. I would watch that tape over and over again. Even now if I see one of them is on tv I'll watch.

Godzilla (1998): This was Nick's favorite movie as a toddler. He would get so excited when it was on. "Did you see that mom? Godzilla! RAWR!!" and he would stomp his feet.

The Blade Trilogy: Ok, so I really only like the first and last movies a lot. The second one wasn't real great. And we will just ignore that there are more without Snipes in the helm. Nick was almost named after Deacon Frost from the first movie. Had his dad not taken off, he probably would have been. And the third one is the best because of Ryan Reynolds. That man is a treasure.

The Scream Trilogy: I have a thing for trilogies even though some of them have more than three movies in them. lol I love scary movies and well scary movies that make me laugh are even better. Nick hates the Scream movies because he hates scary movies. We bond over sci-fi and action movies.

The Riddick movies: I don't count the animated movie. It's ok but I've only watched it like twice. I like Vin. No more needs to be said.

The Fast and the Furious: Just the first one. The rest of them are kind of boring to me really. shrug But again we have Vin being Vin.

Independence Day: I love this movie. It has my favorite things in it. Aliens, shit being blown up and Will Smith. I've lost count of the times I've watched it.

I, Robot:  This was one of my favorite books. They did a passable job turning it into a movie. And again we have Will Smith. I hate watching it on cable though. They always blur out Will's tush. Not cool.

The Men in Black Trilogy: Back to the trilogy thing. Again we have Will Smith and aliens. A winning combo. Plus, Tommy Lee Jones is freaking hilarious and he is one of my favorite actors.

The Fugitive: Again with Tommy Lee Jones. And we add in Harrison Ford for good measure. Good action movie with some humor added in in small doses. Good stuff.

U.S. Marshals: And again Tommy Lee Jones and Wesley Snipes. Even more humor in this one. Oh and we have the addition of Robert Downey Jr. Be still my heart.

The Silence of the Lambs: Anthony Hopkins is awesome. There is only one part of this movie that I fast forward through. The scene where Catherine is in the well and Buffalo Bill is taunting her and they are both screaming is too uncomfortable for me. Ted Levine is super awesome as Buffalo Bill. I've seen the sequels but none were as impressive as the first.

The Avengers: This movie was an awakening. It spurred a love of comic books movies that I didn't realize that I had. A great big part of that can be blamed on Tom Hiddleston. His Loki was so perfect. Everyone else was awesome too but I have a soft spot of Hiddles.

The Iron Man movies: After seeing The Avengers in the theater I went back and revisited Iron Man. I totally forgot how much I loved the first movie. I've now seen them all many, many times. I'm not a huge fan of the second one though. I don't really like Mickey Rourke much as an actor. RDJ is enough to make up for it though.

The Marvel Comic Book movies: Should I just say that I love all the new Marvel comic book movies? I really do. The first Captain America movie is a little harder to watch. I had to watch it like three times to figure out what the hell was going on. The second one was much easier to follow. I like Age of Ultron even though there are certain aspects that annoy the hell out of me. The whole Bruce/Natasha thing is bonkers and Clint having a wife is BS.

Harry Potter: Can't forget this series. Again I've lost count of the number of times I've seen them all. Hell I've lost count of the number of times I've read the books. I've lost count of the number of fanfictions I've read too.

I know I'm forgetting so many that I watch a lot. The Cornetto Trilogy is a big fav but I don't have them all on DVD but I will watch them if they are on. Not to mention Paul cause Nick Frost and Simon Pegg are awesome. The new Star Trek movies are super sweet but again I don't own them. The Lord of the Rings trilogy which I own on dvd and VHS. All of Stephen King's movies. Most of which I do own on at least VHS. I don't have a working VCR that is hooked up to anything anymore though.

I could probably keep going, but those are the ones that I'm most likely to watch over and over again. And now I'm super tired and I think I could actually sleep now.

Ummm

Holy crap! I wasn't sure that I would be able to log into this thing. Surprise!

Soooo not a lot has changed. Just read my last post on here. It has been a while but things are really still the same. SG (I forget what that stands for but I know who it is) is now the supervisor on days. We get along way the hell better than we ever have. Basically I'm his second in command. I take over when he is gone. If he is busy I fill in for him. I actually spent a few months working in the office because we installed a new inventory system. Things have not been real smooth on that. We lost a lot of sales trying to get shipping to work right. The company I work for is very complex and the system don't know how to integrate everything we do. Red is no more. She has actually been gone a couple years now. I rarely ever talk to her.

We are still in the duplex. I would really like to buy a house one of these days. I just haven't found anything I can afford that I actually like. I'm very low contact with my parents. I haven't talked to my dad in 8 months. It's been bliss. Nick shows no interest in seeing them. I'm not going to push him. Lots of family drama that I'll probably post about at some point if I can keep up with this thing this time.

Mostly I'm here again because I've been feeling like I'm pissing in the wind. I actually stopped talking to almost everyone I know for almost a year and a half and no one noticed. After about a year one person got in contact and asked if I was ok. No one else ever mentioned a thing. Kind of proved my point as to why I stopped talking to everyone. I'm still struggling with the fact that I'm basically ignored unless I'm sharing some tragic thing about my life. I try and share some humor and it just flies over everyone's heads. Doesn't matter what platform I share things on either. So, if I'm going to be ignored, I'll just share my musings here where only I will be reading it. Keep all my bullshit in one place, ya know?

And this brings us to the musing that has me inspired to write stuff out.

Dreams are a very big part of my life. I am a lucid dreamer that has very vivid dreams that I usually can remember with great detail. Not only do I dream every night I also daydream quite a bit. At work I'm almost always in my own little world. This has had me thinking about some weird theories where dreams are concerned. There are several parts to my theories.

The first part can sort of be explained by sharing a tv show that was on a few years ago. IMDB.com says the name of the show was Awake, but for some reason my brain insists that it was something else that I can't remember. I'm sure they are right and my brain is just weird. Anyway, the star of the show was Jason Isaacs aka Lucius Malfoy of Harry Potter fame. I don't remember his character's name in the show so we will just call him Jason because I'm lazy that way. Jason was a cop out on the West coast somewhere. One night he and his wife and son were out for a drive and were in a car accident. Jason woke up to find that his son was dead but his wife survived. The only thing was that when he went to bed at night instead of falling asleep when he closed his eyes, he would wake up in another reality where it was actually his wife that had died and he was living with his son.

In both realities Jason had gone back to work but he had different partners in each. He had a different psychiatrist also. Because really, who wouldn't need to see a shrink if every time you fell asleep you woke into a different reality that was just as real as the last one. So basically Jason was living two parallel lives. There were certain similarities between the two worlds but also some major differences. For the viewer of the show there were some visual clues to let them know which reality they were viewing. When Jason was in the reality with his wife, the lighting was brighter and yellow toned. In the reality with his son, the lighting was more subdued and blue toned.

The whole point of the show was Jason trying to figure out which reality was the real one. It is revealed as the season went on that the accident was all a set up. His boss was trying to kill him because he was close to revealing her illegal activities. I don't really remember just how the show ended because they had to rush it to a conclusion because it wasn't renewed. They did get to play out a full season though which is more than most cancelled shows get.

Ok, and now the point of why I went into detail about this show. What if our dreams are actually alternate realities? What if some people are more connected to their alternate selves and when they are sleeping they are actually hitching along in the other's life?

There is a theory (this one not mine) that for every choice we make in life a new alternate reality is created. Each time we make a choice, we actually make all choices. We just split off into another reality. Like say, when you were 10 years old there was a new kid in your class. You have the choice to either talk to the kid and try and make friends or to just ignore them. So say you remember talking to them and thus followed the reality that you know. But you also made the choice to ignore them and that you went on to live a different life in another reality. The two realities would maybe be very similar. But every time you had a choice to make your reality would split out again into multiple realities.

Basically there are infinite realities where you exist but made slightly different choices. Some of them would be very similar where maybe there were only a few small differences in the choices you made. Some would be vastly different. Maybe in one reality you went after your dream to be a rock star and it worked?

So what if when we go to sleep we are actually visiting one of these alternate universes? Some of us are just better at remembering what we see. This could be why some people have super vivid dreams. You are basically just hitchhiking along in the other reality.This could be why some dreams seem so real and familiar. Because that reality is very close to the one that you live in. And who is to say that in another reality that those scary aliens actually do exist. I really feel sorry for the me that lives in that reality. It could also explain why people have recurring dreams. What is happening is that you are visiting the same reality on multiple occasions.

I have some very complicated, drawn out dreams. Sometimes they can last for months at a time. Each night is a continuation of the dream I had the night before. Sometimes these dreams also play out in my daydreams. These dreams can be very detailed. During them I can practically drawn you a detailed floor plan of the house I live in in it. There are tons of people in the dreams that I don't actually know in real life. Marriages, children, jobs. During the duration I can tell you birthdays and middle names and where they go to school. Their favorite colors and favorite foods. Eventually I move on to another story and details are forgotten, but sometimes I will see or hear something and it will slam me right back into the old story. And I'll be able to remember the broad details of the story again even years later.

Nine Inch Nails has a song titled I Do Not Want This  that I've always liked. One of the lyrics is "I have lived so many lives all in my head". This is kind of how I feel about the dreams I've had. I have lived thousands of lives inside my head over the years. What if these lives are actually real but are just alternate realities? If this is true, some of the other mes are living some awesome lives. Some of them have some seriously fucked up lives. I frequently have dreams where the planet has been invaded by evil aliens and I'm doing my best to fight back and survive. Not something I would want to do in this reality.

I kind of like the idea that these realities might actually be realities that an alternate me is getting to live out. And the idea that I get to visit them is kind of cool.

One thing should be noted, in 99% of these realities, Nick exists and he is my kid. He is almost always pretty much the way he is in real life. I guess I can't really imagine a world where he isn't a part of my life. No matter how far back in age I might take a story it always ends up with me being his mom. Usually he gets to have siblings but not always.

Well I think I've done enough damage for one day. Anyone that might stumble across this entry is going to be convinced I'm a wack-a-doodle. I just might be. Oh well.

Now the real test is to see if I make it back here to discuss another kind of dream that I have. Ever heard of sleep paralysis? Next time I'll discuss that pain in the ass.

Oh and btw, what the hell happened to my cool theme I had on here?? I am going to have to edit that shit. The images are lost to time I'm sure since I bought a new computer 2 years ago. I do have the old hard drives somewhere. Oh well.