pppbbbbbllllllllttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!

Well no word this week at all from the temp agency. I got about half the job searches done that I need for Promise Jobs. Got hired at a sub shop part time. The manager is a friend of my mom's. Mom has been telling me for the last couple months to apply there. I'm just a chickenshit and I'm not too hip to work with food. I mean come on, I'm trying to loose weight not gain it. :OP

I finally got my SP5 package mailed out. Hi Beth!! Yep it is officially in the mail finally. I'm sooooo sorry. I promise a surprise just as soon as I get working regularly. Cross your fingers that the warehouse calls me again. I hate to be a brat to Rose the sub shop manager but hell I'm not gonna pass up a full time job that is gonna pay about $10 an hour.

Now back to the whole SP5 thing. I got the final package from my partner last week. Yeah I know, I've been off work all week and had plenty of time to post about it. I'm lazy. Deal with it. hehehe Actually, I'm very absent minded. I get busy doing something and forget about stuff super easy. I'll remind myself to do something on the pc but I'll sit down and something will come up and poof. Bye Bye Brain. To probe how big of a bonehead I am, I'm sitting here trying to find the damn card she sent with her info in it. hehe

Ahhhh found it. My secret pal was Amanda from TwoChicksKnit and Knitsnpieces. I've visited her site a few times in the past. She sent me some yummy yarn. But the cutest part was the car and stickers for the kid. :O) He was just tickled to pieces to get something. He loves getting mail. She sent me 3 skeins of Andean Silk from Knit Picks in Bluebell. Talk about some soft yarn. I think I'll make myself a scarf with it. Not sure which pattern I'll use though. She sent some Cascade 220 in hot pink color #7805. I'm going to have to make a felted mini purse to carry. hehe She also sent some cocoanut lotion that smells divine and a Frodo bookmark. It is way too cool. It has a ring on the tassel and a cool pic of Frodo on it. Gee, I wonder how she knew he is my favorite character in LOTR? lol

Ok, now off to tackle my mounds and mounds of e-mail. I've been staying off-line as much as possible just on the off chance that someone would call with a job. If only I had been sitting here on my fat butt reading when the warehouse called the other day. I would have the job already. sniff sniff I was actually doing dishes and didn't get to the phone fast enough and she was already on the phone with someone else when I called her back.

Silly Quiz

You are Merino Wool.
You are very easygoing and sweet. People like to
keep you close because you are so softhearted.
You love to be comfortable and warm from your
head to your toes.


What kind of yarn are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

oooooooooookaaaayyyyyyy

I don't really want to know why someone did a search for 'Becky gets fucked'. I'm not even sure I really want to know why that someone chose to click on my blog twice. What I want to know is how the hell I ended up on page 2 of the search results. Ummmmm do I swear that damn bad or often???? I didn't make the list because there is any sex going on in this house. That is for damn sure. Maybe I should do a search on how Becky can get ....... hehehehehehehehe Ok, if I was that damn desperate for it, I could find it without all that much difficulty. I've gotten picky though. Gone are the days when I was ok with just picking up a guy and messin around. sigh Havin a kid sure messes up the ole sex life.

I was hoping to post an update shot of the mystery shawl. Not gonna happen. Ya see, I have to tink back like 5 rows. wwwhhhhaaaaaaaaaa I dropped 2 dang stitches and while I was able to pick the one up, I can't get the other one the right way. I was one repeat of the pattern away from finishing clue 4 of 6. Talk about megasuckdom. I feel like making up words and spellings so bit me. oooo Do it again. hehehehe

I forget if I posted that I ordered 10 skeins of a sage green hemp/wool yarn through the yarn coop I joined. I'm thinking I may order a few skeins of the blue to make a sweater for the kid too. We need to have a certain number of skeins ordered to get the best price and the main order won't be sent until we have the minimum met. So, I haven't actually paid for it yet. Does that count as buying yarn?? lol I just ordered and paid for a ball winder from the same coop. $26 bucks didn't seem like too bad of a price. Not sure how much the shipping is going to come to. Sure wish I could order a swift too. I think the small one is only like $40. I just can't bring myself to spend the money right now. Holy crap!! When did I get all responsible? hehe

Ok, time to go pretend to be comatose for a bit. Hmm maybe I should go check my powerball numbers. Who knows, maybe I'm rich now. Yeah whatever. :OP

I am sooooooo tired

As if I wasn't already super tired for no freakin reason, now I'm tired as hell from being on my feet all dang day. The first day I worked it was for a department store's distribution center. I figure I'll end up back there as soon as the job I'm doing is done. I'm indirectly working for a major fast food chain. No, I'm not flipping burgers. I sooooooo do not want to go back there again. hehe Suffice it to say that I am working for a place that is providing something that the fast food joint needs. It should only be lasting for another week though. I'm waiting on a job doing quality control for a catalog distributor warehouse. The job pays $10 an hour. It is a temp job, but then again, all the jobs there are temp jobs. You could work there a week or 10 years. It all depends on if you can keep up the pace and how good of a job you do. For $10 an hour, I'll give it my best shot. hehe

Can you tell that I read Dooce.com?? hehehe Lots of words but not a lot of information in that paragraph. I don't want to screw myself out of a job. My rent is determined by my earnings, so as long as I make enough to pay my utilities and stuff, I'm cool. I would love to work here in town though. I don't want to drive to the next town over even though there are a shitload more jobs there. sigh

On the knitting front, I've been working on my shawl as much as I can. I even work on it during breaks at work. I don't always take lunch with me, so I have extra time. I'm about halfway through the 3rd chart of 5. Do I have progress pictures?? No Jon, I don't. :OP One of these days I'll snag Mom's camera and take a picture of my progress.

I've got more I could say, but I'm tired as hell and my hands are getting damn sore from typing. I'll try to update more often. Oh btw. I've got a few more leaflets up on eBay. I sold 10 out of the first bunch. I've got a stack of leaflets waiting to be scanned and listed. Maybe this weekend.

Later y'all

Whaaa

I'm sure I'll be even more quiet than usual for a bit. I went back to work on Tuesday for the first time in 4 years. I've been battling excessive fatigue for the last year but omg I've been so freakin tired the last few days. I'm sore as hell too. I've worked in two different facilities and had to stand the whole time each day. Today I tripped coming back from first break, twisted my ankle and fell down on the stair landing. Of course it was the ankle that I sprained this spring. ooowwwwwwwyyyyyyy It wasn't as bad as when I sprained it but oh does it still hurt. I can't find the other cushion for my splint, so my ankle isn't wrapped or anything. I could have worked this weekend but I think I need the time to recuperate from the fall and just from working. LOL

I've been too tired to crochet or knit much. I did work on the pineapple doily I'm working on for Mom. I had to immediately rip out a round but I've gotten back that round and another one, so I'm ahead. I had an interview right after work yesterday. I know someone that works at the facility and she told my dad I would get hired right away. Yeah, right. They are keeping me in mind for a QC job. It could be a week or a month before I hear anything though. sob I so want this job. It would mean being able to have an actual savings account for the first time in so darn long.

Ok enough whining. I have tons of mail to go through. Cross your fingers for me.

Just for Jon

Yes Jon, I'm finally giving in. Here is a pic of the mystery shawl I've been working on.



I joined a Yahoo group called appropriately MysteryShawlAlong. Most of the members have moved on to the second shawl in another group, but I thought I should start out with the first one. The shawl is a bit more open than it looks in the pic cause well I smushed it on the scanner since my camera is a pos. I'm using Alpaca Ware Superfine Alpaca Yarn in petroleum blue. It is a fingering yarn and very soft. I'm working the shawl on size 8s cause I want it to be nice and open. In the pic you can see the stitch markers that I made up. I'm thinking I might try using monofiliment to string the beads next time. Maybe I made the markers too long but they sometimes get in the way. Then again I'm used to just using a jumpring. lol

Ok, got lots of stuff to do. I have to have my happy ass in bed early tonight. I have to be to work at 6:45am. bleck Don't forget to check on eBay. I've got like 26 crochet and cross stitch books up under the name froddo123. Someone buy my junk!!!! lol Actually most are nice patterns.

Quick Note

Just a quick note to let y'all know I've started listing my books on eBay. My Auctions If the link doesn't work, search for froddo123. There are only 7 up so far, but I'm just totally wiped out right now. After a little nap, I'll be listing a bunch of crochet and cross stitch magazines and leaflets. The stuff I have up so far are retro and vintage crafts books. I got most of these from my great grandmother but well they aren't my taste and I kept the ones that meant the most to me. I'll also be listing lots of crochet thread but probably not until tomorrow. I've still got a big pile of pattern books and mags to scan covers so I can list them.

Oh and btw, some good news. I applied with a temp service and I'll be starting work on Tuesday and a department store distribution warehouse. The pay isn't too bad and they are flexible on hours. The temp service also said that once there is an opening they will move me to a company that is here in town and makes a little bit more money. I'll save tons of money on gas too. When I head to my folk's house tomorrow I'm going to check and see how far it is from my house. I may be able to walk it without too much trouble. This would real cool. If I can't deal with the number of hours, there is a pizza place here in town that really needs people for days. I'm not sure how much they make but I know it won't be near as much as I'll be getting at the temp jobs. Cross your fingers that I'll be able to stay awake enough to keep working as many hours as possible.

Ok, nap time. The kid has a cold and I have a feeling he is gonna keep me awake tonight.

sigh

I am very very glad that I do not have any alcohol in the house tonight. I just watched the NBC nightly news. I have to admit that I bawled through a good portion of it. I swear if I had any money to donate I would send it. Hell if I was actually rich, I would rent a couple passenger vans, fill them with food and water and clothes and drive down there. I would distribute the stuff and fill the vans back up with people and drive them north. I would keep it up until I was out of money. If you have any extra money that you can spare, please please donate it to the Red Cross or something. Make sure you are donating to one of the big charity organizations. There are already reports that the scum is already out and sending out e-mails soliciting donations to fake charities. I pray for their souls, withered and dead as they may be.

Tomorrow night there is going to be a benefit concert on NBC. Please donate if you are able. PokerStars.com is hosting some charity tournaments in the coming weeks. Some of the tournaments have low buy in amounts. They are going to be matching dollar for dollar the amount that is raised. With donations and their matching funds, they were able to send $400,000 to the tsunami relief efforts. I pray that they have as good of a turn out this go round.

My own troubles, as overwhelming as they feel right now, pale in comparison to the heartache I’ve witnessed on the news. I would so love to just be able to scoop them right out of there and bring them to safety. If you are in the area and can take someone in, please do so. Yes I know it is scary to take in strangers, but sometimes you have to.

I may be scarce for a bit. I’m having my own financial troubles right now. My parents are going to see how much they can spare to pay on my light bill so that they don’t get shut off. One thing that is scary about living in county housing is that if your utilities ever get shut off for any reason, they evict you. I’ve been here 5 years. I so do not want to move and if I had to right now, I would end up living in my parents basement. Not a good thing on so many levels. Short visits with my dad are all that I can handle. I envy anyone that has a good relationship with both of their parents.

I’ll be applying again for assistance tomorrow and applying for a job at Subway and at a local pizza place that both just opened up. I suppose I could apply at the fast food place across the street, but I have a feeling that I would become very hostile very quickly. There is one teenage guy that works there that just makes me nuts. He looks like he weighs all of about 110 pounds. We are talking skin and bones here. He wears his uniform super super baggy. I swear he belts his damn pants BELOW his ass. I have no idea how they stay up. He has no butt to begin with but I know if here were to sit down without pulling up his pants he would be sitting on his belt. The few times that I’ve gone over there and seen him I have had to restrain myself from going over to him and yanking the damn things down on him. Oh and btw, I’m talking about a skinny white kid living in Iowa for God’s sake. We do not live in a big urban city. I doubt we even have 1000 people in town. WTF?????

On the knitting front, I did cast on for the mystery shawl. I so really need to post the link to the Yahoo group, not that there is a picture that you can go see. LOL I had to rip the whole thing out once. I dropped a bunch of stitches when I was trying to tink back a row because I was way off of where I should have been in the pattern. Thankfully, I was only on row 15. Yeah, I managed to screw it up pretty damn early. None of the crappy stitch markers that I had were comfortable to use on this project. What I’ve been using are the Lion Brand split plastic marker, some small plastic rings or some very tiny jump rings. The first ones were too big and the other two were too small to fit on size 8 needles. So in an effort to distract myself I made some stitch markers. I swear I bought the dang beads and such about 2 months ago and left them in the bag. It took me a couple tries to get something that looked presentable. I started out using straight pins and I could not make a darn loop for the ring to save my life. So I switched over to using the pins that have the little loop on the end. For the rings, what I’m using are toggle clasps for necklaces. Don’t ask me what I’m going to do with all the left over toggle pieces. hehe The rings are big enough to fit on size 13s I’m betting. I don’t use larger needles much though. I’ll try and take some pictures of the markers and my shawl soon.

In other news, I’m going to be listing a bunch of cross stitch and crochet pattern leaflets on Ebay. I haven’t actually done any cross stitch in over 6 years now. I think it’s time to let go of the pattern books. lol My eyesight is not good enough to do cross stitch anymore. I’m cross eyed and trying to count the squares on the fabric and on the pattern is near impossible. When I was at my last job I had one hell of a time reading part numbers on labels and even on the computer. I would literally have to move my finger on the number and count the 1s and 0s in a part number because I saw them doubled. I’ve got some doubles of crochet leaflets. I’ve got at least one of the Precious Moments doll leaflets to list. There are baby afghan leaflets and one or two adult afghan leaflets I think. I may list some crochet thread also. I’ve got a huge bag of thread that I’ve won off of eBay and I have barely used any in the last few months. My hands become quite sore after doing thread crochet for any length of time. I’ll let you know when they are up. My eBay ID is froddo123 btw.

Ok time to do some mail and try to distract myself.

Damn I'm good

I actually finished another project last night. I finished the Branching Out scarf from Knitty.com. I'm thinking I may do it again in something other than boucle yarn thank you very much. I haven't blocked it yet and I'm hoping that the pattern will become more pronounced. I really only started the scarf as a way to fuck around with a 'lace' pattern. I've only ever fiddled with small samples of stitch patterns. This was the first actual project I'd attempted.

I did have ulterior motives for finishing the scarf. Ya see, I needed the needles it was on to start the shawl. lol Yeah ok, I have like 8 sets of size 8 circular needles but I would have to clean in order to find them. Clean and I do NOT get along. I feel anxious if the house is too clean. My folk's house always looks like something out of a magazine spread. It rarely looks like someone actually lives there. I mean come on people who the hell has everything neat and tidy one freakin week after moving???? My folks are wacked in the damn head. So, since I don't do drugs or even really drink, I rebel by being messy. I mean come on it isn't cause I'm lazy. Nahhhh not me. :OP

Ok, I'm not really lazy, I'm a procrastinator with a bad memory. I forget stuff if I'm not looking right at the info and even then I can forget it. Seriously, I can be thinking about something I have to do for like an hour before I'm going to do it. I get up to do it and something catches my eye. And off I go to just move this out of the way first or put something in the other room. The next thing I know I'm halfway to town or it's 2 hours later and I remember what it was I went off to do in the first damn place. This is just fucked cause I'm only 33 y'all. Ok I did suffer a brain injury at 21. Convertible = not good to flip. Nasty things ensue when you land on the back of your head after being flung out of a car. I just know I'm going to end up with Alzhimers. No for once, I'm not being a smart ass. I know I'm going to end up like my great grandmother. The woman was nuttier than a damn fruitcake by the time she died. She was a hoot when my aunts and uncles got her drunk though.

I'm working on designing patterns for preemie booties and top knot hats. Once I get the kinks worked out and a couple sizes written up I'll post the patterns to my crochet site. I think I'll work the booties up in crochet too. I don't know if the stem for the top knot would be flexible enough in crochet, so I may not do a crocheted version of the hat. We shall see. I've got a couple of crocheted mini tote bags that I want to write the pattern up for too. I might actually have the one pattern started to be written up in my old pattern notebook, but in order to find out, we would have to deal with the cleaning thing. I have no earthly clue where the notebook is at right now. hehe I'm a notebook hoarder. I buy tons of notebooks during the back to school sales. My son loves to get ahold of them and fill them up with drawings. Believe me it was a trip showing up to class and open my notebook to find page after page of the kid's drawings. hehe

OK, I'm off to do a bit more mail before I pass out and take a nap. I've got to get into town and get groceries before the kid gets home. I've also got to get to the gas station and fill the truck up before they raise the price again. I so love the first of the month. I don't think there will be yarn money this month though. :O(

Holy cow!!

I actually finished a project. Ok so I still need to weave in the ends and block it but I'm done with the crochet part. I still have to figure out where I'm going to block the darn thing so bite me. I finished the first of Mom's doilies. It's too big to block on the styrofoam board I usually use. I'm probably going to have to block it on the floor in the corner of the living room. I'm just tickled that I actually finished the darn thing.

I've already started another one. This one is a pineapple doily with a whole shitload of double crochets in it. It took me a while to find one to do. I've got loads of old copies of Magic Crochet and Decorative Crochet. Man I really miss getting those magazines. Lots of the patterns are done in size 40 or 20 thread but well I'm cheap and I've got tons of size 10 thread. It's a pain to try and estimate what size they will in in size 10 though.

Don't faint, but I actually worked on my sweater the other night too. lol I picked up for the neck and knit a shitload on it while watching The Mexican on Saturday night. Unfortunately, I was lazy about doing increases and they looked like shit. I figured that it wouldn't matter if they were a bit open because the whole sweater is kinda open. I was so wrong. I ended up ripping back to before the increases. Yes I'm one of those nuts that takes the needles out of her work and just rips. I don't worry too much if the stitches get put back on the needles twisted. I have no problem working into the back of a stitch or simply slipping it and turning it.

I joined the mystery shawl along that was started last month I think it was. I had gotten the link for the second group and I decided I would rather do one that a bunch of people had already finished. Yup I'm a chicken. bwaak bwaak I've got some fingering weight alpaca. No I'm not really sure if I have enough. Do I care? No not really. lol I've got five 50 g skeins of petroleum blue yarn I won off of eBay. I know who the seller is and I know I can get more if I really need it. There is no yardage on the skeins, so that is why I have no clue how much I really have. And no, I don't know why I want a bright blue shawl. I need to figure out something to do with the yarn. hehe I don't want to use the Henry's Attic yet. I still have to dye it all before I use it.

Anyways, I'm gonna head off to work on my doily some more. I hope to get this one done faster than the last. Oh shush. I haven't casted on for the shawl yet. :OP

Yep, I'm still alive

Hope everyone is doing well wherever they may be. I've been in lurk mode lately. I'm still broke as hell, but salvation is coming soon. I get a check on the 1st. My mom has been helping out too. She has put gas in the truck a couple times so I can get to Wal-Mart to get groceries and to her house so my son can visit.

I've got my fingers crossed on a possible job. There is going to be a quality assurance job opening up where my dad works hopefully. The woman who has the job now is in major need of firing. In the last 9 months, or so, she has missed like 57 days of work. Most of the time she hasn't even bothered to call in. I have no clue why they haven't fired her before this. I've had some experience with QA work and a friend of my dad's has put in a good word for me. One of the big reasons I want this job is that it pays $10 an hour. I could actually start putting some money in savings for the first time in about 10 years.

I'm also wanting to get a new car. I don't own the truck I've been driving for the last 2 years. It is my dad's. The car I had had way too many things wrong with it and it was going to cost more to fix it than it was worth, so my dad sold it and gave me the truck. This is the first time I haven't owned a vehicle in more than 13 years. This truck uses way too much gas. It is about 15 years old and has no muffler. I dunno why, but I have a bad track record with mufflers lately. My last car lost it's muffler twice.

I'm nearing completion on the crocheted doily. I would probably have it closer to being done but the last time I visited the folk's house I ended up doing yard work. Dad is taking all the cedar chips out of the flower beds. The people who owned the house before put the dang wood chips in on top of rock. Dad is trying to save as much of the rock as possible and it is making a total mess. I raked out the top layer of wood chips from about half of the front bed. I normally sit in the family room and knit or crochet while my folk's are outside. I've got bad allergies and I'm really sensitive to the sun. The front of the house was in shade the other day and I've been taking lots of benadryl so I figured I would chance it. hehe

Due to my castonitis, I started working on a preemie hat last night. Basically it is 8 rows of seed stitch and then 18 rows of knit before the decreasing. Of course I'm not following the pattern completely. It calls for size 3 needles and sport weight yarn and knitting it up flat. I'm using size 4 dpns and fingering weight yarn in the round. hehe I just didn't want to have to sew the cap up. I don't want a seam to bug the poor baby. I'm going to adjust the pattern to do different sizes. I'm not too worried about the size as preemies come in all different sizes. I'm thinking of doing some tube type socks for the preemies too. Either that or a short sock with a short rowed heel. We shall see.

Anyways, mail is done downloading so I'm going to head off and get some things done. Take care y'all.

Thanks y'all

Thanks to all of you that have left comments lately. If you hadn't already guessed, I'm a bit of a complainer. hehe When I'm up at night with no one to talk to I get a bit down. A friend of mine has been irritating me a little bit lately and it was starting to build up a bit. It isn't really her fault but I was getting annoyed. Basically I've just been a bit grumpy lately. No real reason, although being broke is not helping. I need to get some motivation and get some leaflets listed on eBay. I've got a bunch of cross stitch leaflets that are just taking up space. I haven't cross stitched in years and with my eyes getting worse it doesn't look like I'll ever really get back to it. As a kid I was cross eyed, so as I get older my eyes are wandering more and more. It really makes counting little squares pretty hard to do. Oh well, I've still got knitting and crochet. I like the feel of the yarn and thread anyway. hehe

As far as my various health problems go, yes I've had all the normal tests done. Thyroid, liver, kidneys and heart are all fine. My cholesterol is a little high and I try to stay away from sweets as my blood sugar is close to borderline. Nothing that needs medical intervention at this point. It is a good thing I'm not much into candy and such. Just give me a Snickers or some ice cream once in awhile and I'm happy. The last time I had my blood pressure checked it was a bit high, but that could have been because I wasn't feeling well. My bp is almost always on the low side of normal. Drives my mother crazy. :O) She has high blood pressure and is convinced that my salt usage is going to do me in. I tell her that if I didn't use so much salt I would prolly pass out from low bp. hehe

I'm still plucking away at my wrap. I've got an error in my last row that is giving me fits, so I'm going to put it down for a bit. I'm going to finish up the doily for my mom first. I've been looking for some knitted doily patterns just to try something different. Not much luck so far. I've got oodles of crocheted patterns though. So no worries on finding something to make on the doily front. I have no clue how many Mom wants though. We shall see.

Time to get it in gear and get some shopping done. oh joy

Whhaaaaaa

I am soooo depressed. Bo Peep's is having a 15% off sale on all but the featured yarns until Aug 18. That means Cascade 220 is only $5.10 a skein. I soooooo want to buy like 2 skeins of green or blue for my felted bag that I want to make. Someday if I can just finish one of my other projects. I know you are thinking. Damn that is a great deal. Heck the store is based not too far from me either. It is actually the closest LYS that I've got. Well Ewe Need Yarn is right in Dubuque, but it is strictly online. Anyways, the depressing part is that I only have about $30 in my checking account. I also have only about $15 in cash on hand. That is all I've got for the rest of the month. I also need to fill up my gas guzzling pos truck tomorrow so I can get to Wal-Mart and pick up some meds. Gas just went up yet again. I think the ethanol blend is about $2.30 a gallon. For some reason, this part of the state has the highest gas prices. Ours are generally even higher than in Des Moines. That is just BS. DM is the freakin capital and huge, but the gas costs more here in the middle of freakin no where. Ok so Dubuque is actually considered one of the larger cities in Iowa, but still.

sigh

I so hate being broke. I'm always broke. It is times like this that I just want to bitch slap the boss I had at my last job. I was one freaking month away from paying off the car I had at the time. One freaking month and I would have been debt free. All I would really have to pay on was my credit card, but I didn't use that often so it wasn't too high back then. I was mere inches from being ahead for the first time since I was about 20. sniff sniff The bastards wanted me to start working 12 hour night shifts 3 or 4 days a week. I would be on my feet all night taping up boxes of bottles and putting them on skids. Oh did I mention that they wanted me to take a $2 an hour pay cut too?? Plus the kid was 2 at the time. His father has never been in the picture. He ran off with someone else when I was 4 months pregnant. So anyway, explain to me how I, as a single parent of a 2 year old, was supposed to manage working at night? What was gonna keep the kid all night and during the day when I was sleeping? That would give me just a couple hours to see the kid on the days I was working? Just why the FUCK was I supposed to have someone else raise my child? Yeah 4 years later I'm still pissed off about the deal. Arrangements for the kid weren't the only reason I couldn't do the deal either. Forget the fact that they wanted me to go back to the same job I started out at 9 years earlier and get paid just about the same wage. I can't physically stand for 12 hours or lift the dang boxes. Working there just killed my back. I've got major nerve damage and problems with the joints in my legs. No freaking way could I even do the job.

So here I am 4 years later. I class shy of a AS in Internet Administration. Unable to stay awake for very long during the day. Broke as shit. And afraid as hell to actually look for a job even though my welfare benefits will run out in like 6 months or so. Damn scary. The doctors have run every test imaginable and can't say why it is that I'm tired all the time. So they sent me to a shrink and counselor. I see the shrink every 6-8 weeks and the counselor ever 3 weeks or so. Like that is gonna freakin help. They say I'm tired because I'm depressed. Dumbasses! I got depressed AFTER about 2 months of not being able to freaking stay awake all day. Pretty damn bad when the real reason you put yer kid down for a nap is so that YOU can sleep for a lil bit.

Damn I'm being a whiney ass. All I really want is to be able to buy some God Damn Yarn!!!


BLAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Someone just please slap me. LOL

I am sick in the head

**sigh**

I always have some sort of game open while I'm online surfing. you see, I connect at a whopping 28.2k. My saving grace is that I have NetZero HiSpeed. It compresses all of the graphics for me. If I want to see a picture better, I can download it at full resolution. Anyways, pages still load pretty slow for me if there are any graphics. So I play games while the pages load or I have more than one page open. I'll read one while another is loading and then switch.

Normally I play SolitairesForFree. I think I downloaded it from Dowload.com. There are tons of different types of solitaire for me to play. I usually play Yukon, Canfield, and Capuchin. Although for about two months I played Backbone exclusively. If I'm not playing solitaire, I have Minesweeper open. I have a custom board set up. It has 99 bombs and is as large as allowed. I lose way way more than I win, but I still think it is a cool game. It took me awhile to figure out what the hell the point ways. Did I mention that I hate to look at the game rules? hehe It is more fun to just jump in and die a few times. :OP

My latest addiction is Tumblebugs. I downloaded the trial version from Yahoo and used up the free 60 minutes in one sitting. After the initial session is done, they let you play for 2 minutes at a time. Thank the gods it saves your game. I would restart the damn thing about 10 times before I got pissed and shut it off. Well a dear angel friend of mine that doesn't blog took pity on me and gave me the full version. I have some wonderful giving friends on-line. Anyway I've had the full version for about a week now. There are 12 sections to the game that each have 5 - 7 levels. I managed to beat the final level of the game tonight. :O) When I can't sleep I read or I play games. Or maybe it is that I don't sleep because I want to read or game instead? hehehe You pick. I so need to cut out the caffeine at night. Maybe I would sleep a lil better. I loathe taking the sleeping pills that the doctor gave me. They do knock me out but they don't solve the problem in the long run. ackkk No messy stuff tonight. I'm in a fairly good mood and I don't care to get serious. Hush damn it. I can be serious on occasion. Quit yer giggling. :OP

Ok, time to set up some more mail to download and get my happy ass to bed. Be well.

Yep, I confess

I'm a total chickenshit. Last week I was supposed to go to Borders at the mall. There is a group of ladies that get together to knit on the first Monday of the month. I posted on ICK asking who from the site was going to be there. Well, only one person responded and she doesn't live close enough to come. So I chickened out. Granted I've never met the ladies at ICK either, but the idea of showing up for the get together and imposing myself just scared the daylights out of me.

Ya see, people scare me. I'm always afraid that people are judging me. That they think that I'm stupid or too fat or too ugly. I imagine that people are thinking "What the hell is she doing here? Who does she think she is? She isn't good enough to be here." I think part of it stems from the way I grew up. I went to about 10 schools before graduating high school. In fact, my folks decided to move to a different town my senior year of high school. I went from being in a class with over 300 students to a class of 82. It isn't all that easy to fit in to a small town. My mother was ostracized because she wasn't born there. We lived in that town exactly one year before moving back closer to the city we lived in before.

Growing up, I didn't see the point of making friends. We were going to end up moving soon anyway. I often got teased because I wore a lot of hand-me-downs. My mom would often buy me boys jeans because they were cheaper. I also started developing earlier than the other girls I was around at the time. There were times I just wanted to slap some of the boys. I mean, excuse me for not wanting to wear a freakin bra at 12. My boobs weren't that damn big that I needed to wear one and they were uncomfortable.

When I first started high school, I was constantly teased and told that I was fat. I believed them. Now I look back at my pictures and I'm amazed. I was freakin skinny!!! I would kill to be that small again. There was a lot of abuse in my house at the time. I always felt like I had to hide. Always wondering what people would think if only they knew the truth. That didn't bode well for making friends either. As soon as I got my driving permit, I became my dad's designated driver. I spent way too much time sitting in bars with old retired guys. I made my dad pay dearly though. I think that I spent as much money on video games and chips as he did on booze.

I could go much farther into my neurosis but I think that is more than enough information for one day. One last bit of information though. My only friends are online. I have 3 dear friends that I talk to regularly on msn messenger and by e-mail, but I have no face to face friends. I did have a friend from junior and senior high school. She was my best friend for 13 years. I haven't spoken to her since June of 97. She just stopped calling and answering my calls. There is a lot of background info on that one, but not for now. Maybe another day.

I swear I will get back to knitting content one of these days. :OP I am still working at it but nothing interesting to show yet. Be well.

grumble

I knew it was too good to be true. The people that were gonna buy my folk's house backed out. It seems that the park owner told them something to scare them. The realtor wouldn't tell my folks what it was though. On Sept 1 his contract will be up. Then a friend of my dad's is going to buy the house directly from him. I'm still ticked though. The park owner has been after my dad ever since his handy man attacked my dad and my dad pressed charges. My dad was about 53 at the time. He has had several small strokes and was in a horrible car accident about 15 years ago that broke both of his legs. He is in no shape to fight anyone. This guy attacked my dad and was hitting him with a broom because he was "stealing" all the lawn work jobs in the neighborhood. The truth is that my dad is a personable guy (to those outside the family) who loves to cut the grass and run his snow blower. He is out there all the time working on stuff and the other guy is lucky to go do the lawns like once in 2 weeks. Dad did a better job so he got all the work and the handy man just couldn't take it. And these are supposed to be grown men. HA Dad is nice to most people, just not his own family for the most part. I'm sure I've whined about him a time or two on here. Tonight I just wanted to swat him a few times. He was getting on mine and mom's cases for not being able to read his mind. The only one he doesn't yell at is the kid.

Speaking of the kid. I thought he would be starting school next Friday. No such luck. They are delaying the start of school for a week because the new addition is not ready yet. His teacher actually phoned twice tonight trying to get ahold of me. I just wish the bus driver would get ahold of me. I have no clue if the kid will have to transfer buses or not. I know last year the kids that went to this particular school had to. They have redrawn the districts though. There aren't many kids around here being bussed out to that school.

Not much of anything interesting on the knitting front. Still plucking away on the stole and sweater. I'm still on a yarn diet. whaaaaa Next month maybe I'll be able to buy some new yarn. I had to buy the kid some new shirts for school this month. Plus I took advantage of the no tax weekend and bought myself some much needed bras. hehehe Gotta keep the girls under control when I'm out in public. Don't wanna give any black eyes to anyone. :OP

Howdy

Holy cow! I'm actually staying home today. I haven't had a day where I just stayed home in like a week. The folks are all moved into the new house. All that is left is cleaning the old house and putting stuff away in the new one. The folks got great news on Friday. They sold the old house finally. It has been up for sale off and on for over 5 years I think. About 3 months ago they listed it with a realtor. The guy is a total dope, but he did find someone to buy the house before his contract was up. I think Dad was hoping that he wouldn't find anyone in time so they wouldn't have to pay him his fee. He got $3,500 to put 2 or 3 ads in the paper and have 2 open houses. During the open houses he sat in the living room and watched tv and drank soda from our fridge. I know that not all realtors are morons but this guy is a total dipshit.

I've gotten a few more rows done on my stole. I still haven't finished a full repeat though. I think I'm gonna sit and watch a movie later and work on it. I've got quite a few projects that I really need to spend some time working on. I think that once I get the first repeat done on the stole, I'll go back to working on my sweater. Nah, I need to finish the doily first. Then I need to finish at least one of the pair of socks that I have on needles all over the place. hehe

I also need to do an intense cleaning of my kitchen. The damn ants have attacked again. I was cleaning up a bit and picked up a piece of paper to find a huge pile of ants. I've got some ant traps set up but I guess they aren't in the right spot. I need to get some red pepper or something to put at the base of the house so they don't even climb in.

Ok, time to finish up some mail and then get some knitting done.

peek-a-boo

Once again I've been a bad blogger. I've been awful tired the last couple days. Getting up at 5:30 was not fun the other day. The seats in the bus were not comfortable at all. My poor butt was dang sore by the time we got to the zoo. The kid had a blast though. His favorite part was when the penguins finally decided to swim. He just thought it was so funny. I thought the lion cubs were pretty cool. There were 3 males and 2 females that were only 9 months old but I swear they looked full grown. We also got to see their parents in another enclosure. It was so cool hearing the male roaring. He kept it up for a couple minutes before settling down for a nap. All in all it was a great day. Granted I was pretty darn sore from all the walking though.

I got quite a bit of knitting done on the shawl/wrap. I didn't really realize that it is a 28 row repeat though. hehe It is a pretty stitch pattern though. It is pattern 273 from The New Knitting Stitch Library by Lesley Stanfield. The chart is a little confusing, but I think I've figured it out so far. I'm doing 12 repeats in each row. I'm not sure how long I'll make it. I just know that I want it long enough for me to wear. It isn't lacey enough for the future sis-in-law to wear at her wedding. Thankfully it sounds like my mom has impressed it upon her that I do NOT want to be involved in the wedding other than being a guest. They are having a very small wedding but I so do not want to be in it. The kid is going to be a ring bearer. He has no clue about the wedding though. We rarely see my bro and his gf.

I've almost got all the 9 inch dpns made. Well all but 3 are sanded anyway. My hands were getting pretty sore the last time I worked on them. I dunno if I'm going to take the time to wax them before doing the neck on my sweater. I so need to get working on it. I won't be getting much chance to work on it the next week or so. My folks got the loan for the new house and they have been moving and cleaning all week. The carpets are being cleaned today and tomorrow the furniture will start being moved in. I can't help move anything large, but I still intend to help. I love the new house. It has more closet space than I have living space in my house. hehehe

Ok, time to get ready to do some school shopping with my mom and the kid. She wants to buy him new shoes even though he just got a new pair like a month ago. shrug

Off to the zoo

Well, we are all packed and ready. The kid and I will be heading out the door in a minute to meet the bus. Parents as Teachers is taking 2 buses of families to the Madison Zoo. The kid is looking forward to seeing all the animals. Oh, and no there will not be pictures. Sorry Jon. :OP Actually, I just forgot to borrow my mom's camera and mine is a pos. Oh well.

I'm off. Y'all have a great day.

I hate PMS

I don't normally suffer from PMS. I'm always bitchy, so y'all can't blame it on PMS. :OP Right now I'm just totally a mess. I'm depressed and near tears almost all the time. I'm worried about my folk's home loan going though. They have everything packed and are ready to start moving to the new house, but right after their loan was approved almost 2 months ago my father lost his job. They had to reapply for the loan and they aren't sure that they will get it with only my mom's wages and my father's pension. My father has been drinking even more than normal since they found out about all of this. I swear I would so love to have a drink too. I can't do that while on my meds though. grrrr Well, I suppose one drink wouldn't do me any great harm, but I don't have any alcohol in my house. I haven't for over 2 years now. I sure could go for some Southern Comfort though. mmmmm

Anyways, I am making lots of progress on the doily. I've just about got the center part done. The outer area has a lot of chaining and then some thistles. The pattern is called Tiny Thistles btw. I just thought it was so pretty and didn't look all that hard. I'm not sure if it will fit on the end tables that Mom has. It may end up being a centerpiece for one of our kitchen tables. With size 40 thread, it is supposed to be 18 3/4 inches, but I'm using size 10. I've got way more size 10 than anything else. I do think I have a bit of size 20 in my stash, but I've got zounds of thread. Suprisingly, my hands haven't been getting sore from the thread crochet. My left thumb is sore, but that is from cracking it. It is a bad habit that I really need to break. I've got another habit of rubbing the bottom of my foot with my thumb when I'm sitting at my desk. By the time I go to bed, where the bones of my thumb continue into my hand hurts. I'm not sure how to describe it. It really isn't my thumb, per se, that hurts. It is the muscles and such of the palm of my hand where the thumb bones continue. Can you tell I've taken my nightly pills that make me tired? lol

I'm going to pick up one of the scarves/wraps that I was knitting a while ago to take to the knit together at Borders. Most of my other projects are kind of bulky or just kinda boring. hehe Although just doing stocking stitch around the foot of a bootie would be easy to do will chatting. I'm actually not very sure if anyone else from ICK is going to be there. I posted on the blog that I'll be hiding in the corner until I see some yarn. hehe I've never actually seen anyone else knit in person. I don't know anyone off line that knits or crochets. I crocheted with my grandma but she died 12 years ago now. I miss her yearly mad rush to get her crocheted angel ornaments done in time. :O)

Well time to start downloading some mail. I've got some reading to do before going to bed too.