Monday, May 03, 2010


I'm always noticing posts on Rav and on yahoo groups where people complain about how their parents favor their siblings over them. In a weird way I'm on both sides of this whole thing.

In the family that I grew up in with my mom and her husband that adopted me, I'm clearly the favored child. I often wonder if my brother complains about me to his wife. The thing is that as soon as my brother got back from basic training for the guard he moved over an hour away. He rarely comes to visit my folks. He can go 2 or 3 months with no visit or even a call. Because of my parents babysitting on the weekends (which I pay nominally for) I see my parents 4 days a week. Even before this job I went to my parents house every weekend for at least a couple hours. And even before I had my son I at least called my mom once or twice a week. It's no wonder my folks are willing to do things for me or buy me stuff. I'm the one that is there. They resent the fact that my brother finds it so hard to call or come home for visits. An hour drive isn't much but he can't just come home for a few hours on Saturday. It has to be a big thing and then he spends most of the time he is in the area at his in-laws house. I know he has complained to my folks about them buying me things but he forgets that I don't have much compared to him. I'm a single mom getting no support from my son's father. I've got an ok paying job now but there was a long time when I couldn't find anything that paid well. He and his wife both have good paying jobs and his wife does photography on the side. They also own a house. I live in a very tiny rented duplex that I can only afford because my rent is determined by my income. And did I mention I'm the one with a kid? My parents only grandchild in common? My dad has no contact with my step-brother's kids.

On the other side, I'm the kid that is totally ignored by my biodad's family. I'm the oldest child and my son is the oldest grandchild. Biodad completely ignores me and so do my stepmom, my brother and sister. I work for the same company as my youngest brother so he and I do talk on occasion. Biodad gave up custody of me when I was 5 because he refused to pay child support or make any effort to see me. He paid child support for the son he had with his second wife and always had visitation with him. This is the brother that didn't bother to invite me to his wedding or tell me when he had kids. For some reason he hates me when I have every right to resent him. I've only spoken to biodad 2 or 3 times in the last 8 years because I found out that he let my youngest brother's then gf move in their house when not a year earlier they told me they didn't have room for me to move in. He could do for her but not for me. When I went to my youngest brother's wedding last fall, they had family pictures taken without me or my son in them. Did I mention that they all live less than a half hour away from me? And that I've had the same phone number and address for the last 10 years?

So I'm stuck on both sides of this issue. I feel bad for my one brother to an extent but he is the one that distanced himself from our parents. And I resent my other family for completely ignoring that I exist. And people wonder why I put up with my dad being a total ass all the time. Ass that he is, he is still there. Always. And now I'm depressing myself. lol

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