Sunday, May 29, 2016


Ok, I admit it, I forgot about the blog for a hot minute.

Work and allergies have been ruining my brain. The next week doesn't look like it's going to be much easier. My boss will be gone all week which means I get to play boss. sigh I don't like playing boss. Plus, I have a huge project I'm trying to work on. It's a total mess because I was going off what someone else had done first. Only he had stuff marked down as never being ran when we actually have the part in stock. I have to send someone out to the stacks to search for the product.It may have been shipped out when the system was acting funny.

On the home front, I had a birthday the other day. I worked like usual and my coworkers threw a fit that I didn't tell them ahead of time so they could bring in a cake. I didn't really want a cake. My brother was the one that had to open his mouth and tell everyone. And, or course, my mom had to make the day all about herself. I can't hear my cell when I'm at work and I can't really feel it vibrate, so I missed her call. And then I came home to a message on FB even though she had left me one two days before. About an hour later I got another message of "whoa is me, you hate me! why won't you answer?" I had only responded to a couple messages at that point. I was freakin tired and I didn't want to deal with her. But it's what she wants that is important. The boy did remember but only because we argued the day before about his friend's birthday.

My fridge is once again needing defrosting. The amount of ice I pulled out of the back of the freezer was insane. Now to get the insides defrosted so that cold air can get into the fridge part. Cross your fingers it defrosts by tomorrow night so that I can buy groceries. I really don't want to have to buy food every day for work. I didn't lose too much food this time. Mostly just some french fries and hash browns.

I haven't been really looking for a house lately. The only ones in my price range don't have pictures. I mean, who lists a house with only one picture? I really should go look at a couple of them though. I'm tired of paying rent. And I'm not getting a real deal here anymore. It's cheaper than a comparable duplex in the town I want to move to, but I'm paying the top rent here now. We need more room and I'm tired of having the landlord hanging over my head. Yeah, I would be the one replacing my fridge if the defrost doesn't work, but I'm not afraid to buy a cheap piece of shit to tide me over for a couple weeks or months.

I keep dreaming about my dream house in Washington. I want out of Iowa so badly. Nick is the only thing keeping me here. He loves his school and I'm not about to make him change high schools like my parents did to me.

Ehh anyways. Nothing dramatic going on here. Just your usual annoying shit.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

People confuse me

I don't understand why so many people trust me. The people I work with put way too much trust in me. Sometimes it's kind of scary. Were I to be the type to take advantage of things, I could really screw some people over big time.

Both this supervisor and the last have trusted me with information that could technically have gotten them in trouble. It's a big no no to let anyone have your email password. Both gave me theirs. Both trusted me to write emails on their behalf using their accounts. And during the two weeks between supervisors, the next higher up trusted me to actually run the department earning me my own company email address. They don't give those out to just anyone because they have to pay a fee for each address.

With the current supervisor, I'm trusted not only with his email but I've got his other passwords for other programs we use. Hell, he has trusted me to approve time cards for my fellow employees and even my own time card. Granted, I'm not real sure how to fake them in order to screw the company out of money or screw my coworkers out of hours but still. I could still really screw some shit up in the other programs if I wanted to. And all of it would have his name attached and not my own.

Heck, the woman that creates all our jobs trusted me with her password to our main database. When we switched systems, I helped her with inventory and with running through jobs. The first time I actually deleted a job while no one was in the office I got a little scared. It would be super easy for someone to really screw up the system. And I have that power if I wanted to use it.

I know half the crews passwords for putting in for time off. Most of them are scared of computers and can barely type. Granted about the only thing I can really do with those passwords is to put them all in for random days off work. But then I could sign in as my supervisor and approve that time off without anyone being aware of it.

And today one of the ladies in the IT department shared a very important password for the printers with me. While I might not be able to cause physical damage to the printers, I now have the ability to really fuck up settings that only IT can fix.Hell, I know how to sign into a printer remotely and mess stuff up so I don't even have to do it while at work.

Not that I would ever deliberately mess up any of the systems at work. Even if they were to screw me over big time, I just don't have it in my to sabotage anything. The fear of being a bad person it way too strong. You can blame the principal at the school I went to in 2nd and 3rd grade for that.

I spent my whole childhood moving from school to school. Not anywhere near as bad as the poor Winchester boys, but I did manage to go to ten schools before I graduated from high school. This particular school was the only one where I got into any serious problems. I was always a very shy kid. I didn't really see the point of trying to make friends when I knew we were probably going to move soon anyway. So I just kept to myself.

Unfortunately this made me a target in the eyes of some of the teachers and the principal. The shit initially hit the fan because I woke up late one morning and didn't have time to eat before I had to leave for school. I only had to walk about 6 blocks. So my mom gave me a package of poptarts and sent me off to school. I still hadn't finished the second one when I got to school and I had the wrapper still. When one of the teachers saw that, she decided that I must be the kid that had been stealing the other kids lunches. It had to be me because I was bigger than my classmates and obviously I was strong arming them for their lunches. I wasn't fat or anything, I was just taller earlier than most of the kids.

So, I got in big trouble for the whole food stealing thing even though my mom told them she had given me the poptarts. They didn't care. A couple weeks later they found an old reel to reel tape in my locker. Obviously I had stolen it from the library. Who knows what else I had stolen from the school. It didn't matter that I told them that I found it on the playground. I just thought it made a cool streamer and I wanted to play with it at the next recess and put it in my locker so it wouldn't blow away. Nope, I was a thief and they were determined to kick me out for it. I guess they only wanted to allow for two strikes.

Turns out I didn't get kicked out. Right about this time one of my grandmothers died. My folks decided that my grandfather couldn't possibly live on his own and they decided that, once again, we would be moving. This time we would move in and take care of my poor old grandpa. We lived with him for four years before my parents realized that a man in his mid 50s was perfectly able to take care of himself. heh Both my parents are now in their 60s and would balk at the idea that they needed to be taken care of.

But anyway, this whole thing with the school has led me to have a lifelong fear that anyone might think I'm a thief. Even a hint of any wrong doing on my part scares the shit out of me. I never even had the usual youthful shoplifting incident.

Oh, I've done things that could have resulted in me being arrested for stupid shit. I was always pretty careful to not get caught. I should note that none of the things I may or may not have done would have resulted in an actual prison sentence. Stealing was never an option though.

I still don't get why people trust me as an adult but no one would trust me as a kid.  I never quite got the lure of breaking the rules. I just wanted to get along and stay under the radar. The less attention I got the better.

Saturday, April 30, 2016


I am one tired chickie.

We have worked a month straight of 10hrs mandatory overtime each week. This time last year we were just about to finish up doing that for about a year and a half. I don't remember being this tired last time.

Part of it is that I haven't really recovered from that damn cold. My lungs are still very iffy. Stairs are really not my friend right now. I've begged off doing any extra training the last two weeks because I feel like I'm dying by the time I get to the training room in the other building. On Tuesday I'll be in that damn training room twice probably. Once for training and once for a meeting. It will not be a good day. Tuesday also starts three days where I will be in charge of my department because bossman will be away.

On an unrelated note, I'm kinda sad. About a month ago I found a house that I really liked. It was a little more than I could afford but I loved it. Two weeks later it disappeared from the one realty site. Queue the sadness. And then last week I realized it was still on another site. Queue the excitement of maybe having a second chance. With my tax return coming I would maybe have enough of a down payment. And now the house is off the other site. sigh It was still too much anyway but I liked it dang it.

So I'm sitting here sad and in the middle of an allergy attack. I'm starting to wonder if there is something in one of the shampoos I use or in the body wash that is giving me allergy attacks. Sometimes after I take a shower my eyes just itch like a bitch and I get all snotty. My body is fucked up enough to be allergic to freaking shampoo. For future reference it was the Almond and SheaButter Suave shampoo that I used tonight. I don't usually use the same one two nights in a row. So I'll have to remember the next time I use it.

And now on another completely different note, I've noticed that my favorite go to movies are really, really varied. When we first moved into this place I couldn't afford to get a dish so we only got like four channels. This meant we spent a lot of time watching VHS tapes. There was no option to have cable in this tiny shitass town at the time. We only got cable about four years ago. So I'm going to list out my go to movies.

The Back to the Future Trilogy: I have all three movies on one tape. I would watch that tape over and over again. Even now if I see one of them is on tv I'll watch.

Godzilla (1998): This was Nick's favorite movie as a toddler. He would get so excited when it was on. "Did you see that mom? Godzilla! RAWR!!" and he would stomp his feet.

The Blade Trilogy: Ok, so I really only like the first and last movies a lot. The second one wasn't real great. And we will just ignore that there are more without Snipes in the helm. Nick was almost named after Deacon Frost from the first movie. Had his dad not taken off, he probably would have been. And the third one is the best because of Ryan Reynolds. That man is a treasure.

The Scream Trilogy: I have a thing for trilogies even though some of them have more than three movies in them. lol I love scary movies and well scary movies that make me laugh are even better. Nick hates the Scream movies because he hates scary movies. We bond over sci-fi and action movies.

The Riddick movies: I don't count the animated movie. It's ok but I've only watched it like twice. I like Vin. No more needs to be said.

The Fast and the Furious: Just the first one. The rest of them are kind of boring to me really. shrug But again we have Vin being Vin.

Independence Day: I love this movie. It has my favorite things in it. Aliens, shit being blown up and Will Smith. I've lost count of the times I've watched it.

I, Robot:  This was one of my favorite books. They did a passable job turning it into a movie. And again we have Will Smith. I hate watching it on cable though. They always blur out Will's tush. Not cool.

The Men in Black Trilogy: Back to the trilogy thing. Again we have Will Smith and aliens. A winning combo. Plus, Tommy Lee Jones is freaking hilarious and he is one of my favorite actors.

The Fugitive: Again with Tommy Lee Jones. And we add in Harrison Ford for good measure. Good action movie with some humor added in in small doses. Good stuff.

U.S. Marshals: And again Tommy Lee Jones and Wesley Snipes. Even more humor in this one. Oh and we have the addition of Robert Downey Jr. Be still my heart.

The Silence of the Lambs: Anthony Hopkins is awesome. There is only one part of this movie that I fast forward through. The scene where Catherine is in the well and Buffalo Bill is taunting her and they are both screaming is too uncomfortable for me. Ted Levine is super awesome as Buffalo Bill. I've seen the sequels but none were as impressive as the first.

The Avengers: This movie was an awakening. It spurred a love of comic books movies that I didn't realize that I had. A great big part of that can be blamed on Tom Hiddleston. His Loki was so perfect. Everyone else was awesome too but I have a soft spot of Hiddles.

The Iron Man movies: After seeing The Avengers in the theater I went back and revisited Iron Man. I totally forgot how much I loved the first movie. I've now seen them all many, many times. I'm not a huge fan of the second one though. I don't really like Mickey Rourke much as an actor. RDJ is enough to make up for it though.

The Marvel Comic Book movies: Should I just say that I love all the new Marvel comic book movies? I really do. The first Captain America movie is a little harder to watch. I had to watch it like three times to figure out what the hell was going on. The second one was much easier to follow. I like Age of Ultron even though there are certain aspects that annoy the hell out of me. The whole Bruce/Natasha thing is bonkers and Clint having a wife is BS.

Harry Potter: Can't forget this series. Again I've lost count of the number of times I've seen them all. Hell I've lost count of the number of times I've read the books. I've lost count of the number of fanfictions I've read too.

I know I'm forgetting so many that I watch a lot. The Cornetto Trilogy is a big fav but I don't have them all on DVD but I will watch them if they are on. Not to mention Paul cause Nick Frost and Simon Pegg are awesome. The new Star Trek movies are super sweet but again I don't own them. The Lord of the Rings trilogy which I own on dvd and VHS. All of Stephen King's movies. Most of which I do own on at least VHS. I don't have a working VCR that is hooked up to anything anymore though.

I could probably keep going, but those are the ones that I'm most likely to watch over and over again. And now I'm super tired and I think I could actually sleep now.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Not ignoring the blog!

We broke all our sales records last month. Now it is time to make all the things. Mandatory overtime is mandatory. Tired Frod is super fucking tired.

Just one order that we are working on calls for almost two months worth of material. And it all has to be done like yesterday. And there is another massive order coming up behind it.

So to avoid getting sick again I've been trying to get more sleep. I usually get by on 4 1/2 to 5 hours a night during the week. I make up for it on Friday by sleeping in. I can't do that when we are working mandatory 10 hrs over. This leaves me with only two days off and I can't sleep all day Saturday and feel like I had time off.

It's not helping that I'm not 100% over being sick last month. My lungs never fully recovered. I'm out of breath a lot more than normal. And about twice a week I have to go across campus and up a huge flight of stairs to get to training sessions. I usually feel like dying by the time I get to the top of the stairs.

The new twist is that my stupid headaches are making me smell cigarette smoke when there is no smoke anywhere around. Shouldn't be a big deal except I'm allergic. My stupid body smells smoke and automatically tells itself to start coughing. Doesn't matter that the damn smoke isn't real. So my chest is hurting from coughing.

And this is the time of year that I hate the worst. The temp changes by 10 to 20 degrees during the day. Even if the thermostat is set at the same temp all day it's alternating between being sweltering in here or being freezing. I leave for work and I'm shivering but when I go to leave I'm sweating. This is not helping keep me healthy.

So yeah, I'm tired and ornery but nothing major is going on. Only cool thing is that I wrote a small drabble and published it on AO3 and it has actually gotten a positive response. I didn't even share it on Tumblr or anything. People are finding it and liking it. I've got another idea for a story and as soon as I'm able to stay awake long enough I'll write it up.

But right now I"m going to go read for a few before I go to bed.

Saturday, April 09, 2016

I work with weirdos

Seriously, they are all weird. Two of them are plotting to get me a new position in the company. One that doesn't even exist. They didn't ask my opinion. They just started campaigning with our boss.

Basically they are trying to get me to be an inside material handler for our department. All our raw materials are stored outside. We have to call the head material handler for outside when we want something. He then calls one of the guys on the forktrucks to bring the stuff to the door. It can take quite a while to get materials. Sometimes this leads to my coworkers struggling to keep busy while waiting because they didn't plan far enough ahead for what they would need. They want me to plan out what will be run and do all the material requests and keep things flowing. Well, the planning part is really my boss's job. So is calling in the big stuff that we will need. Usually it's the interim stuff that the guys end up waiting for because the big stuff is already done. I should mention that most of the guys hate calling in materials.

I already do more than what my actual job is. My job is supposed to just be cutting and running materials. Sign in, do my job, make labels and put shit away. Somehow I'm also in charge of making outside labels for half the crew. Not to mention being the one everyone goes to when they can't find something or don't know where to put something when they are done with it. Half the guys don't know how to look at their time cards or how to put in a vacation request. So I act the part of secretary. My boss is constantly handing me slips of paper with part numbers on them and asking me to look into "that". This means figuring out what we have on hand against what the system says we have and figuring out why they don't match. And in my little corner of the building, I keep an eye on inventory and request jobs to fill empty racks.  Not to mention that my boss tends to ask me to send emails for him or write up papers and stuff for him.When we transitioned to our new system last year, I spent months working on inventory and helping with paperwork in the office. I spent months not doing anything to do with my regular job and spending my time helping keep the system cleared up and inventory straight. Oh and when the boss is gone, I do his job. The only thing I don't normally do is approve timecards, although I do know how to do it.

Part of me wants to transition to more of a support position. One where I'm doing mostly paperwork and stuff and not actually lifting material. I kind of got used to it last year. The other part is not super happy about the weight I gained from sitting on my ass for 7 months. heh I'm having more health issues lately and my pain levels are not good. The idea of not straining myself is a good one. Not that my job is all that horribly physically demanding. Just the whole being on my feet for 10 hours and repeatedly lifting shit and moving it around. I'm having more trouble with my stupid ankle lately. I am so not hip to the whole being able to feel the damn thing more than usual. You would think that 20 plus years would be too long for nerve damage to start reversing.

Mostly I'm just fucking tired all the time. And my head hurts. I probably need to have my eyes checked. I'm sure that has something to do with it.

Not sure what the hell the point of this rant was.

Sunday, April 03, 2016


So today is my dad's 67th birthday. I had the kid call him. I'm not a complete asshole. Just because he has spent most of my life being an asshole to me doesn't mean I have to return the favor. I think he actually hung up the first time Nick called. He did talk to him for a few minutes when he called back. I did not talk to him. It's been almost a year since I've heard his voice except for in my nightmares.

Nothing much else interesting to talk about really. My health continues to be a pita. Nick is mostly being a pita. Life as it is and always has been.

Friday, March 25, 2016

Pissing in the wind

This is how I feel most of the time. I really do think that some people that are supposedly my friends have me on ignore. Reaching out has become pointless.

My mother stopped by today. At least she called first and asked if it was ok. She had a jacket for Nick. We talked for about 15 mins or so. And, of course, she turned on the waterworks when she left. She acts like I'm the cruelest person on the planet because I won't make nice. She made her choices. She earned every single tear.

Nick is on spring break and being a lazy butt. You would think I'm trying to kill him by asking him to do anything. I've only asked him to do his normal chores.

sigh I have a headache. I guess I'm not really in the mood to write either really. Nothing but trivial shit to write about anyway.