I feel so damn fucked up right now. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.
I saw my mom on Thursday. I just can't deal with her. She always mentions how my brother just runs from her when he sees her. I'm so close to doing the same. She reassured my that my dad doesn't hate me for what happened. Funny, but I hate him for it all. I hate that I don't get to see my nieces hardly ever. I hate that he has made my mom into the bad guy. There have been no nightmares this time but I've just felt super low on energy. I just feel super alone.
Physically I'm a mess. I've got massive headaches going on. My hands are all fucked up. My joints hurt like a bitch. I'm sure it has something to do with the forced dehydration I dealt with at work on Wed and Thurs. We didn't have working bathrooms in our building because of renovations. So going to the bathroom meant a 20 minute trip. Wednesday afternoon I felt super horrible.
I'm just feeling super low and blue and alone. I have no clue what the hell to do about it. I don't really drink much of anything anymore. So I can't really get drunk to try and forget. Well I guess I could but I won't. I would probably just break down sobbing and feel even worse. My head hurts enough already tyvm.
And the headaches wouldn't be so damn bed if the kid would stop playing his horrible video game music so loud. 99.9999% of the time, I hate the music played in the background of games. I turn it off when I can and I've given up games where I can't. He has some sort of love affair with it though. He fight dances to it with it turned up. Makes me want to slam doors and scream at him to turn it off.
Ugghhhh I just need to go take a shower and sleep for 12 hours again. Doesn't matter how much sleep I get lately. It's never enough. The more I sleep the more tired I am.