Thursday, June 22, 2006

The one in which my past bites me in the ass

I have good news and I have shitty news. The bad shit is what is most on my mind at the moment.

I got home last night to find the same number on my caller ID 4 times. I didn't recognize the name or the area code. At first I was just going to go online and figure out where the area code was from when I noticed that there was also a message on my voice mail. First message was a hang up. Second message brought back a name that I haven't heard anyone speak in over 6 years. The voice was one that I hadn't heard in over 7 years. Frankly I didn't recognize the voice, but I knew it was him.

Figured out who it was yet?

I'll save you the wondering seeing as I wasn't blogging back then. It was my son's father. He called no fewer than 8 times last night. This is a man that I haven't heard from since very early 1999 and he is repeatedly calling wondering if I'm that Rebecca but assuming that I was.

To say I was flabbergasted would be to put it mildly. I wasn't scared, just shocked as shit. I called my mom right away. She made me promise that I would call her back if he called again. Well, while I was on the phone with her, he called and left another message.

It took all my self control not to call up Sue and Ally or to just go online so that the phone would be busy when he called again. He finally got me on the phone at about 10:30.

Was I nice and calm? Yeah, not gonna happen. At one point he said that part of the reason he didn't call all these years was because he knew I would be pissed. Ya think? Makes much more sense to give me 7 years to think it over and plan all the things I wanted to say.

Turns out that child services sent him a letter saying that a child neglect file had been opened about Nick. Y'all may remember that on the last day of school the twit next door "forgot" she was supposed to watch Nick. Well about a week or two later a lady from child services came knocking to get the whole story and open a file against the neighbor. So, for some reason, the ex grew a conscience and called wanting to know what was going on. Seems there were no details in the letter. He kept saying it was an abuse report but later admitted that it did say neglect.

Between the ranting and swearing, I did explain what happened and that the neighbor has moved. He kept trying to keep me calm and asking that we not argue and that he was just concerned about "our" son. gggggaaaaaaaaahhhhhh

I could go on and on about how he has no freakin right after all these years to even ask what is going on on a good day. I made it plain to him that I was not even close to ready to be friendly. I am not wanting to kill him or do bodily harm to him. I stopped having those dreams about 4 years ago. hehehe I made it clear that I won't be moving or changing my phone number. He is the reason I have stayed put and not changed my number even though I have had plenty of reasons over the years to want to change my phone number. I just didn't want him to ever be able to say I was hiding from him. He did try to say that he didn't know where I was. Right after he left, I moved in with my folks and a year later I moved into this place. My number has always been in the book under my full name. Obviously I wasn't too hard to find.

Things were left halfway decent by the time I hung up. At the end I just wanted him to say goodbye because Nick was having trouble sleeping and kept coming in my room and talking. The last thing I wanted was for the ex to ask to speak to Nick. Not gonna happen at this point in the game. He claims he is going to try and keep in touch and keep up with the child support. He says it won't be another 7 years before he calls again. I just hope it isn't too soon. I'm not up for the stress right now.

I called Mom up afterwards. We commiserated on how most men are jackasses. She doesn't want him to have any visitation with Nick until at least she is dead and gone. I'm not going to promise that. It has always killed me that Nick doesn't know his father. He has only asked about him once though. I bawled like a baby the whole time I was trying to explain that I didn't know where he was or really why he left. I hope I made it clear that it wasn't his fault.

Anyways, we shall see what the future holds. Maybe he won't call again. Maybe he will make an actual effort to be involved. Who knows? Just cross your fingers that this won't turn into a ball of stress for Nick or for me.


FaeryCrafty said...

I know that had to be hard for you. I wish you the best. Hugs.

Jon said...

WTF? He has the nerve to call after all of these years and yet hasn't paid child support? Typical sperm donor. You're better off without him, sister!