As some of my friends know, I've been battling depression for quite some time now. I've been on medication since 2002. Most of the meds I've taken haven't done a whole hell of a lot of good.
I've also been on a lot of medications for other physical problems. I've suffered from nasty headaches for as long as I can remember. The neurologist put me on some meds that help pain meds work better. Ya see, I have a high resistance to pain meds. Most people can take a couple Advil and experience relief quite fast. Not so much where I'm concerned. Which is why I've had scripts for some pretty powerful pain meds for quite some time. They take the edge off but don't completely ease it.
Off and on I've been on anti-seizure meds to counteract spacisity in my right side. I sustained major nerve damage 12 years ago in a bad car accident. When I'm tired or overheated or even over excited, my right arm and leg can start shaking and bouncing. Quite annoying, but it's been under control for some time and I went off those meds.
Anyways, that is a big of the background on my medical problems. Lately though, my situation has been getting worse. At the beginning of the month, I lost my medical coverage. I've had to go off of all my anti-depressants. That has not been easy. Add to that the fact that I'm PMSing. My temper has gotten even shorter than normal and I'm ready to fall apart crying at the drop of a hat. Any time that a strong emotion pops it's head up, I start crying. I bawled while watching America's Got Talent. Ummmm yeah I'm wacked out.
The other thing that is driving me batty are dizzy spells. They started up a couple months ago. I went to the doc and he said it was calcium deposits in my inner ear or some such shit. He sent me to physical therapy to try and deal with it. Unfortunately, I couldn't reproduce one of the attacks for the therapist. He did manage to give me some help with some back problems.
These attacks are very hard to explain. It's not like I feel as though I'm going to faint or even really fall over. Ya know how it feels when your foot falls asleep? Not the pain part, the buzzing feeling. Now imagine that when you turn your eyes or your whole head that you feel a short buzz feeling in the middle of your brain. It's more annoying than painful. But after awhile it does lead to a nasty headache. The buzzing isn't the only annoying part of it. I actually hear a noise when it happens. It's a sort of electrical sound. Like a schzzzuuuuu sound.
The noise and the buzzing lasts for only a fraction of a moment. It may only happen a couple times a day or it can happen several times a minute. It has been getting steadily worse. I can get very disoriented when it is really acting up. This is very frustrating and isn't helping my emotional state at all.
So basically, I'm a mess. I'm stressed out about the whole insurance deal, not working regularly and trying to get the damn shrug knit in time for my bro's wedding. Physically, I'm falling apart now that I'm off of all my meds. I used to take a pharmacy worth of meds each day.
I'm just wrung out and tired as all hell. This is partly why I haven't been posting much lately. I just don't feel like I've got much interesting to say most of the time. If only I had some writing talent. I could share the wacked out surreal dreams I've been having the last few weeks. They are very vivid and very strange.
Anyways, Mom has given me the number and address for a free clinic in town. Unfortunately, as a temp, I can't take time off for anything or risk being let go. I just am going to have to wait and see if I can get the time to run into town from where I'm working. It's at least a 45 min drive cause I work a couple towns away. So, we shall see.
Well, I'm pooped. I'm going to finish reading the news and get my butt to bed. I worked overtime today loading a semi and boy did that kick my ass. lol