Sunday, August 14, 2005

Whhaaaaaa

I am soooo depressed. Bo Peep's is having a 15% off sale on all but the featured yarns until Aug 18. That means Cascade 220 is only $5.10 a skein. I soooooo want to buy like 2 skeins of green or blue for my felted bag that I want to make. Someday if I can just finish one of my other projects. I know you are thinking. Damn that is a great deal. Heck the store is based not too far from me either. It is actually the closest LYS that I've got. Well Ewe Need Yarn is right in Dubuque, but it is strictly online. Anyways, the depressing part is that I only have about $30 in my checking account. I also have only about $15 in cash on hand. That is all I've got for the rest of the month. I also need to fill up my gas guzzling pos truck tomorrow so I can get to Wal-Mart and pick up some meds. Gas just went up yet again. I think the ethanol blend is about $2.30 a gallon. For some reason, this part of the state has the highest gas prices. Ours are generally even higher than in Des Moines. That is just BS. DM is the freakin capital and huge, but the gas costs more here in the middle of freakin no where. Ok so Dubuque is actually considered one of the larger cities in Iowa, but still.

sigh

I so hate being broke. I'm always broke. It is times like this that I just want to bitch slap the boss I had at my last job. I was one freaking month away from paying off the car I had at the time. One freaking month and I would have been debt free. All I would really have to pay on was my credit card, but I didn't use that often so it wasn't too high back then. I was mere inches from being ahead for the first time since I was about 20. sniff sniff The bastards wanted me to start working 12 hour night shifts 3 or 4 days a week. I would be on my feet all night taping up boxes of bottles and putting them on skids. Oh did I mention that they wanted me to take a $2 an hour pay cut too?? Plus the kid was 2 at the time. His father has never been in the picture. He ran off with someone else when I was 4 months pregnant. So anyway, explain to me how I, as a single parent of a 2 year old, was supposed to manage working at night? What was gonna keep the kid all night and during the day when I was sleeping? That would give me just a couple hours to see the kid on the days I was working? Just why the FUCK was I supposed to have someone else raise my child? Yeah 4 years later I'm still pissed off about the deal. Arrangements for the kid weren't the only reason I couldn't do the deal either. Forget the fact that they wanted me to go back to the same job I started out at 9 years earlier and get paid just about the same wage. I can't physically stand for 12 hours or lift the dang boxes. Working there just killed my back. I've got major nerve damage and problems with the joints in my legs. No freaking way could I even do the job.

So here I am 4 years later. I class shy of a AS in Internet Administration. Unable to stay awake for very long during the day. Broke as shit. And afraid as hell to actually look for a job even though my welfare benefits will run out in like 6 months or so. Damn scary. The doctors have run every test imaginable and can't say why it is that I'm tired all the time. So they sent me to a shrink and counselor. I see the shrink every 6-8 weeks and the counselor ever 3 weeks or so. Like that is gonna freakin help. They say I'm tired because I'm depressed. Dumbasses! I got depressed AFTER about 2 months of not being able to freaking stay awake all day. Pretty damn bad when the real reason you put yer kid down for a nap is so that YOU can sleep for a lil bit.

Damn I'm being a whiney ass. All I really want is to be able to buy some God Damn Yarn!!!


BLAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Someone just please slap me. LOL

4 comments:

FaeryCrafty said...

I don't know what to say to make it better. How about a hug!

Jon said...

Have they tested your thyroid?

SCarrGo said...

Doctors...

I feel ya--I've had similar stupid crap going on medically, and I want to shoot them all--add to that the fact that my employer (not ME, mind you, my employer) switched insurance companies, and the new insurance company doesn't want to pay anything because they weren't around for the beginning of this medical disaster, so they have no idea why a "perfectly healthy" 39-year-old should need a neurologist and MRI's all the damn time. It blows...I especially enjoy the fact that they say that they won't pay for the neurologist because they don't have a copy of the physicial referral--trust me, the neurologist wouldn't let me shine his shoes without a physician referral, but ANYWAY...

Hang on, Becky!! I'm sending hugs from Minnesota. This too shall pass...

Colleen said...

Awww, freakin' A, sweetheart. Big hug from Kansas.