Tuesday, August 28, 2007

They lie

They always try to tell us that time heals all wounds. This is all just a bunch of bullshit.

Time doesn't heal shit. Time just distracts us from the pain. It takes our focus away so that the pain doesn't drive us mad.

But it comes back. With no warning and out of the blue. It smacks you in the face and rips out your guts. It doesn't matter how much time has passed. The pain is still as horrible as the day it happened.

Anyone that has lost someone that they loved knows this all to well. Especially if you didn't get to say goodbye. Didn't get to tell that person just one more time how much they meant to you.

It rips my heart out remembering. But I can't forget. It could have been just yesterday. I woke up one day to realize that this person was gone. 'Forever, with no chance to touch them one more time. No chance to say " I love you " Not even a chance to see them smile again. There was no closure. No ending to the pain.

I still wake up at night crying out for this person. Reaching for the hand that isn't there. And never will be. I've screamed out for someone, anyone, to stop this pain. For someone to take it back. To bring my love back to me. Even just for a moment.

I've begged. I've pleaded. I've even tried to bargain. If only they could come back, I would give up having known them. Just so they could be back. Or even to have said take me instead. But now that one is harder. If I had gone instead, there wouldn't be my son. And I love him beyond reason. I can't allow myself to wish him away even for the sake of the one I lost.

He doesn't even know about this person I lost. All he knows is that sometimes Mommy gets really sad. Sometimes she wakes up crying. I always try to hide how much I'm hurting from him. I'm not always so good at it.

All I can do it try and use the pain as a kick in the ass. A kick that tells me to stop fucking things up. Stop wasting what I've got when lord knows I don't deserve it. Never forget what I've lost and what it cost me. And damn me to hell if I ever forget.

Travis Tritt - Tell Me I Was Dreaming

When I woke up this morning
Wiped the sleep from my eyes
I found a new day dawning
And suddenly I realize
You're gone

Tell me I was dreaming
That you didn't leave me here to cry
You didn't say you don't love me anymore
It was just my imagination telling lies
Tell me that you didn't say goodbye

I'm in a state of confusion
I hope things aren't what they seem
If this is really happening
Just let me go back to dream

You're home

Tell me I was dreaming
That you didn't leave me here to cry
You didn't say you don't love me anymore
It was just my imagination telling lies
Tell me that you didn't say goodbye

Tell me I was dreaming tell me I was dreaming
That you didn't leave me here to cry
You didn't say you don't love me anymore
It was just my imagination telling lies
Tell me that you didn't say goodbye

Don't tell me you didn't say goodbye

--------------

Toni Braxton - Un-Break My Heart

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart
My heart

Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss this pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Come back and say you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'
Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on
----------------------


Garth Brooks - The Dance

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I the king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance
-----------------------


I have way too many damn cds full of sad songs. I can't actually find the Toni Braxton cd which is pissing me off. I really wanted to listen to that song. The sad song help though. I sit and cry and sing along. And then I sleep. And then I feel better.

2 comments:

FaeryCrafty said...

((Hugggs))

Mrs. H said...

And even more *HUGS*